How to handle an insensitive attorney?
I am impending a divorce and have filed in May but am waiting for the property settlement to have my divorce finalized. My estranged husband and I agreed to share the cost of the home appraisal but he never has the money when the day of the appointment arrives(I give him a month notice). He commplains about having to pay spousal support and claims he is “living on crumbs” when after child/spousal support is deducted, he brings home a check of at least $400 weekly. He has always been a poor money manager. I am anxious and want this divorce final.
I wrote an email to my attorney (cheaper than a phone call) and sent it on Friday. I have not heard from him. He has my retainer fee and I rarely bother buying drugs him. Upon hiring him in May, he didn’t file immediately as I thought he would. I emailed and called him and he was very rude to me and told me to take my check and find another attorney since I was in such a rush to be divorced. Being so sensitive as I am, I began to cry. Then he asked who referred him to me and when I replied that our pastor from church did, he immediately got nice. ??? He must have forgot that we belonged to the same church. He has been nice and very helpful from then up until now in the 3 meetings I have had with him. I just don’t understand why he is not answering my email? Here it is:
Hi Mr. xxxx, I hope this finds you well and that you enjoyed your Thanksgiving holiday. I know it’s been a while since we spoke and I apologize. If you’ll recall, our last meeting in September with my estranged husband Mr. xxxx and his attorney, Mr. xxxx where we discussed property settlement. Mr. xxxx and I agreed to hire an appraiser (with a shared cost) so he could re-finance, disburse my share of equity and ultimately have my name removed from the mortgage (on which I have been paying). It was agreed (privately) between Mr. xxxx and I that we would have the house appraised after the necessary house repairs were complete, which they have been for over a month. I am financially ready to pay my share while Mr. xxxx persistently claims he is not. I have a feeling he can make this a financial priority but is refusing to out of spite. He knows I am anxious to be divorced from him and it seems he is just being irksome. We have agreed (again!) to have the house appraised after the Holidays to financially convenience Mr. xxxx. My question is can I still proceed to have this divorce finalized, before the marital house is settled? If you could either reply to this email or if you feel we need to discuss this in person, please let me know and I will schedule an appointment. Thank You
I wonder if he is just ignoring me? I am kind of afriad to call him since I have seen his nasty side. Yet, he is my attorney. Any suggestions on how to handle this? Any advice pertaining to my uncooperative estranged husband and ways to speed up this divorce is appreciated.
Thank you for taking time to read this… it is so important to me. 
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Tell him if he doesn’t get on the ball you will hire another attorney, sue him to have the retainer reimbursed and get the divorce from the new attorney.
I’m not sure where you live, but I would call and tell him that I will be taking my case to another attorney as advised and would appreciate the check returning the remainder of my retainer to me in the mail as soon as possible. Then I would call the bar and let them know of the problems I have had with this attorney and ask for their recommendations on how to proceed further. This man has no right to be rude to you, and you know it. Don’t let your soft heart let you get screwed out of the right you have to have adequate representation.
you should of took the lawyers advise and got another attorney
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I’d take his first bit of advise to you, fire him, and hire another attorney. I don’t care if you guys attend the same church or not, this isn’t about friendship or making your pastor happy, this is about you finding appropriate legal representation. If you’re not happy with his representation, then by all means use your wallet to pick new representation. In this electronic age, not returning an email by the close of the following business day is inexcusable, in my opinion.
Good luck, and I’m sorry about your divorce, and also the problems you’re having with your attorney. You can’t do much about the divorce, but you can get a new lawyer.
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Get a new attorney. Seriously.
And tell your pastor to NOT reccommend him to anyone else.
If you’re paying that much to the attorney, they need to be nice to you.
Trust me, I work at a law firm as a secretary and everyone here, including myself and other staff, treat the clients as roalty, because we know they are paying a lot for our help and we have a duty to be kind and caring towards them.
Give him the message that he can’t be rude to you.
Make a face to face appointment with the attorney. Ask him what the hold up is where representing you is concerned, if his answer does not meet your criteria for a good excuse, then fire him. Request the balance of your retainer in check, before you leave his office. Seek other representation.
As for the wayward ex husband, tell him he has 30 days to come up with his half of the appraisal money( do this in writing and certify the letter/ return receipt requested) that he has had ample time and opportunities to do so, but refuses to cooperate. Tell him that if he doesn’t come up with it then you plan to amend your plea to include the marital home (you have a child right?) and have him removed from the mortgage since you are the one paying the mortgage anyway. If he wants that money and he will, he’ll cheese up rather than loose his chance at it.Give a copy to the new attorney.
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I would talk to him one more time and if he is still acting this way, fire him immediately and ask for the remainder of your retainer back. Get another attorney and file the paperwork with the court that signifies that the atorney has been changed so the court can recognize who is representing you. Also, talk to your pastor and inform him of the attorney’s practices so he can think twice about recommending him to someone else. Maybe your pastor is against divorce for any reason and sent you to this lawyer so the process would be as slow as possible? Just a thought.
As for the appraisal, I would send your ex another letter through his attorney to notify him that he (the ex) is to be at the house on this date and time. If he does not show up again, send him a bill for his share of it. Do you have it writing that you agreed to paying 50/50? That will help you when you ask for your fees back and if it ends up in small claims. Good luck in your divorce. Oh and one more thing. I would report the atotrney to the state bar because he has a duty to you to represent you and he has clearly been lax on that duty. I think a call or letter to the bar might get his attitude and approach back in check.
I was a legal secretary at one time. I find the only way to get the best, quickest response is to actually go & talk to him. This way no paperwork can be claimed “misplaced” or an email not received, & you’d be looking at him face to face. I would remind him you took the word of your pastor who referred him in the first place in that he would meet you needs & be a responsible person. You are disappointed in his end of things not being expedited as you expected. Especially coming from the one who referred him in the first place. You have retained him for your atty. & you are paying him for the work he is suppose to be doing for you. You also feel if he w/take the time to write to you ex, he w/get more responce out of him than you have been able to. Attorneys are very “independant” type people, & in order to get them moving on things you need to bug the living day lites out of them. This is the ONLY way you are going to get any response from him. They honestly are all alike, so I feel IF you did chg. attys. you in all honesty would just run into the same situations w/him also. My son had a wk. comp. case that took 8 yrs. to settle!!! He kept giving him time, more time, didn’t want to bug him, but I told him to keep on him, drive him crazy so to speak & that’s the ONLY way he would get any response out of him. After he started calling him twice a wk., he finally got a court date set & all has been finally settled. You cannot “be nice” to them as this w/only get you “lost” in their system & they w/keep putting you at the bottom of the pile because you are not hounding them like the others who get things done as they should be. Sad to say, they truly are a breed of their own. Get mad, get mean, get on him & tell him you WANT ANSWERS…Tell him this has been going on far too long & you need it settled once & for all. He w/work w/your “ex’s” atty. & also get him moving. Enuf is enuf. You can’t continue to be Ms. Nice Guy so to speak. See if this helps. But in all honesty to you, another atty. is just going to do the same thing, I feel. This is just from my experience w/working w/them. BTW, I also agree you should inform your pastor this atty. isn’t the best person to refer folks to. It doesn’t make him look that good either. I wish you all the best, Happy Holidays…:)